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Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Under Construction

Hammering, nailing, scraping, and banging that is all I heard all day at work.  They have been painting our building, and now they are replacing the roof.  It makes for loads of fun as they are right over my office, which is located on the third floor of a Victorian turned office building.  At times it seems they are going to come right through the ceiling.

So I started thinking about our lives, how we are altered, repaired, and constantly being renovated.  It seems we are always under construction.  Not a bad thing really.  Looking back over my life, and most particularly the last four years, one can begin to see the changes in me.  I look to my family and I see the subtle differences as well.  

I wonder if we shouldn't go about our daily lives with caution tape warning others to be careful, "Under Construction."  Even though the caution tape isn't in place, we all too often encounter others who we clearly know and can see that they are going through some metamorphosis of sorts.  These of course would be people who we know, who are part of our lives some how, who we care about.  

Looking back over the last four years, I wonder how many people carefully tiptoed around my family and I.  How many avoided comments that they felt would elicit pain, or simply didn't call for fear of having to deal with their own discomfort.  I find that even now, four years later, some people still act cautiously around us, in particular around me.  They watch wearily for any signs that I might have a mini-meltdown, they look to see if a comment has triggered a reaction.  It is actually quite funny at times to watch them watching me.  

In the last few months, I have assumed new responsibilities at work, started this blog, and am currently taking classes, talk about construction.  Yet I do not feel overwhelmed or frightened, I always believe I am being led to where I need to be, where I can be what I am truly meant to be.  

I will be 50 next year, a frightening prospect for many of my contemporaries, but I am actually excited about it.  It says a lot, I believe.  In almost fifty years of life, I have fallen in love, married a wonderful man, had three beautiful children, now have a terrific son-in-law, and of course a brand new grandson.  I have learned so much, traveled (I would love to do more), and have enjoyed my life.  When others hem and haw about their age, I generally respond by saying simply, 'I like where I've been, I love where I am, and I look forward to where I am going,'  and that usually stops all further negative comments.  

But truer words I have yet to have spoken.  My life has, like so many of you, not always been easy.  My husband and I, have had our share of adversity, have dealt with tragedy, with uncertainty and all the ups and downs that life can often dish out.  My daughter's death, of course, being for me the hardest thing that we have had to deal with.  

We are still here, we are living day to day, we smile, we laugh and we go on.  As the layers of new paint still wait to finish drying, another part of my life is being altered.  I would like to believe that my new me is a stronger, more compassionate one, full of joy for life, knowing that our journey here can be short.  One thing I know is that the foundation, even though it has been rattled, still stands firm.  My faith and belief that God takes care of me, watching over me, giving me all the tools I need to continue, reinforces the foundation.  Occasionally, He does a little touch up, reinforcing the cement, and readjusting to accommodate for the shifting in our lives, but overall I know it will hold against the tide.  

There is a beautiful scripture passage from Matthew 7:24-27 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.   The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.  But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”  

We are the house, and with God as our rock, we can rest assured that we are built on a strong foundation, and this belief it what has held me up through all the years of construction, and storms.  It is still what sustains me, what guides me.  

What ever your beliefs may be, cling to them, let them be your 'rock,' allow them to give you the strength you need to hold you together through all the construction, storms and changes that occur and will continue to occur in your life.  We are not alone, we have each other, we have our faith, we have a world of people who know and understand what it means to travel life's journeys, to climb those mountains.  

Through my blog, I have come to know so many wonderful people, who faced with adversity, have found the strength and courage to go on.  They continue to allow themselves to grow, to be shaped, they remain beautifully under construction.  They have also opened themselves up to us, and have allowed us to share in their journey, for this I am truly grateful. 

So drape the cloths, bring on the paint, repairs and renovations, and let me become the person I am meant to be.  

Blessings! and until we meet again.

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