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Monday, November 29, 2010

Did you get it all done?

The last few days were a whirl wind of activity.  For those of us in the United States, 'black Friday' is a major shopping day; some people go as far as camping out days in advance.  They want to be the first in line to get all those special deals that all the advertisements have been promoting.  I watched as some of my family and friends planned out their approach to this bargain hunters euphoria.  

The plans are laid out, they decide which stores to begin at, best route, who is going, and what time they should meet up.  It is actually quite fascinating to observe.  As for me, I simply slept in the Friday after Thanksgiving, and took it easy the entire day.  It was perfect.  

I started thinking about all the things we plan ahead for, how we plan out our route, develop our itineraries, and make a list of everything we will need.  Once this is done, we now wait for the moment, and pray it all goes well, and that everything is done and completed without a hitch.  

But all the planning in the world, never quite prepares us for the death of a loved one, even if their death is anticipated.  The death of my daughter was the last thing I ever expected, after all she would definitely be outliving me, or so I thought.  When I lost loved ones to illness, we knew that death would be the eventual outcome, but even with this knowledge, and some brief discussion as to what we could plan on, it never happened the way we wanted or expected.  

Yet if we lived each day as if this was the only chance we had to get it right, would we plan and prepare, or would we fully live each day not worrying about the next.  Would we let each day take care of itself, or would we try to plan ahead.  For so many, we just go about our lives in the frenzied rush that all too often disguises itself as our lives.  Causing us to miss out on so much that is surrounding us, our lives, and who we are.

We may do some planning, especially if there were individuals who we needed to see, business we needed to tend to, a trip we want to take, and some preparing for the inevitable.  Would we get so wrapped up in all the chaos, preparation and planning, that we miss out on all that is important in our lives.  Would we take those people in our lives for granted, or try to enjoy all they have to offer.  

As I thought about all this, I realized how Rachel's death made me look at life from a totally different perspective.  Yes, I have my frenzied days when I cannot seem to get anything done, let alone get out of my own way.  I have those days were I need to plan ahead, and still yet, I have those days were I let things happen as they may.  It all depends on what needs to be done, when it needs to be done by, and what I feel are my priorities.  

When I look back at the last four years of my life, I realize how many times I just let my life happen.  I neither forced anything upon certain days, nor did I try to fill in any voids with busyness, I just let them happen, especially in the first year.  I remember how each day I awoke, and literally let it fall where it may.  There was no organization or structure on these days, just a compliance of sorts, letting whatever happened, happen.  I actually had almost an entire year of just 'letting' it happen, allowing each day to shape itself with me in it.

The beauty of grieving, it that it is all good.  It is what works for you, not what works for me, your sibling, or other relative.  ONLY you know what is best for you, you are the only ones that fully understands what you are going through.   You need to respect yourself, what you are going through, and allow yourself the time to heal, at a pace that is right for you.  

So plan if you have to, prepare the way, or just simply allow life to unfold before you.  Allow your own life to unfold, do not hold onto what cannot be returned to any of us.  Live your life as if today was the only day that mattered, the only chance to get it right.

Take nothing for granted, live each day fully, and enjoy all those people who have entered your life.  Gain from them , take what they offer and allow yourself to grow.  By doing this you allow yourself to heal, to see life for what it truly is 'a gift,' and teach yourself the importance of making every day count.  

On those occasions that you do find yourself spinning, just stop, take a deep breath, and allow yourself to step back.  This is your chance to make a difference, to help at least one other person change their course as well.  So grab life with gusto, live each day, and know that your life is all the better for knowing the person who died. 

Always remember the love, the relationship you shared, and that sometimes on those crazy days, your loved ones, all too often, are the beacon that lights your way.  There spirit and their love are your guides on those crazy, frenzied days, when nothing seems to go according too plan.  

Blessings! and until we meet again.


  1. Fascinating post Rose Mary....I wasn't aware of 'Black Friday' at all.
    We have the 'January Sales'here in the UK but they are nowhere near as popular as they used to be in the past.

    The rest of your post is as well written as ever. It's so true that sometimes we are all so busy flitting from one thing to the next that we simply miss the most important things in life.

    Sending love to you and your family xxxxx

  2. Hi Carole, hope you are doing fine and healing quickly?

    Yes, Black Friday is a big deal here in the States, my daughter was out there at 4 a.m. getting her share of the bargains. It is pure insanity in my book, the stores are sheer madness.

    Thank you for you comments, they are always welcomed.

    Take care, wishing you a speedy recovery. Hugs & Kisses, Love Rose Mary

  3. Rose as usual very well put. When we lose someone we wonder why. God has our route planned we find out as we go. You took a tragedy embraced it and now are helping people with their grief. You could not of possible know grief unless you truly experienced it. When life gave you lemons you made lemonade. This is your vocation your are listening to signs from the angels above. You are taking your grief and making it positive. Like we spoke the other day can people change yes our environment,ourselves,our family changes us if we allow it. Thank you for being part of our lives