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Thursday, October 21, 2010

What are you looking for?

Tonight as I drove home, I noticed how clear the sky was, how many stars were shining brightly, I even spotted the planet Venus, twinkling brightly.  I searched the sky for any evidence of the meteor shower that is taking place over the next few days.  Of course I didn't see anything, there was a huge bright light in the sky, the moon is so bright this evening, making it very difficult to spot anything.  The meteors were to be shooting from around Orion's elbow, which happens to be in the path of the moon of course.  None the less I searched. 

Isn't that what we are all doing, searching for something.  We may be searching for answers, searching for the truth, searching for a better life, job or just simply searching for something that we feel maybe missing in our lives.  

When my daughter died, my husband and I searched for the whys, what nots, we wanted to find out as much as we could.  We sought out God asking him for an explanation, for a reason as to why this had to happen.  There are days when the search seems futile, and still others produce answers.  

A few postings back, I discussed suicide, my daughter's death was from an automobile accident, not suicide, but a friend was attending a funeral for the young woman who took her life, and she just wondered.  As I mentioned in that same blog, a friend tried to take her life a few months ago, so I really felt compelled to talk about it.  How does it relate, in both cases these people we searching for something, that they believed was out of their reach.  For my friend it was acceptance, wanting to be liked for who she was.  I don't know what struggles the young woman was going through, but I am sure that she couldn't find what she needed, so in despair taking her own life.  

I can promise you those parents are searching for anything that can help them during this most difficult time.  They are trying to piece together this puzzle called death.  They are also going through everything, trying to look for any overlooked clues that something was wrong.  But life doesn't always give us clear cut answers.  

Death and its companion, grief, leave us looking for anything that can help us get through the days, weeks, months, and years.  We struggle with our feelings, our guilt, and just trying to understand why it even had to happen. We may not find answers, but we do find acceptance.  We begin to realize that there was nothing any of us could have done to stop what had occurred. 

Acceptance - what many consider the last stage of grieving.  This is when we finally have come to accept that your loved one is gone.  There is no time frame for 'acceptance,."  each one of us grieves very different from the other.  We are all so so very unique, and our grief is as unique as we are.  Besides, depending on the type of death, this can have a significant effect on us, we may be struggling with how it happened, why it happened (especially in suicides and homicides), and how can we possibly go on, etc.  So added to our own uniqueness, is the uniqueness of the individual death. 

Search for answers, search for the truth, but do not let this be your only focus.  There are so many questions and happenings to worry about, that we could end up bogged down in our searching.  Do not search for added guilt, for excuses, or anything that will only bring you down.  Just know that you were loved, and remember to always let your loved ones know that they are the most important people in your lives. 

Search for peace, acceptance and quietness, and you may find yourself flooded with answers.

Blessings! and until we meet

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