Where Am I?

Friday, yeah its the weekend!  Files are put away, computers shut down, and anything that we couldn't get to this week is put aside to be dealt with on Monday.  Just another routine day at the office, or where ever you may happen to work.  Now it is time to get some rest, maybe relax, take it easy or if you are like me, go to a party on Saturday and maybe another on Sunday, at least that is what's in store for this weekend.  

But as you head home, your cell rings and you start wondering, okay what do I need to pick up before I can get home, we probably need milk or something.   You answer the phone, but it is not a routine call from a family member, instead it is harried caller, saying something odd, or so it seems.  You stop a moment, try to collect your thoughts and say hold on, what are you saying, what was that.  Please, I don't understand, what happened.  

In the blink of an eye your whole world is turned upside down, now instead of heading home, you are rushing to a family members home, or to a friends, or to the hospital.  Someone's been hurt, there's been an accident, or any number of possibilities.  You drive on auto pilot and somehow arrive at where you need to be.  You step inside to what seems to be a flurry of activity.  Nothing is making sense, nothing seems real, where am I, what am I doing here, so many questions run through your mind.  

Someone finally realizes that you have arrived, and they begin to explain what has happened, what is being done and what the prognosis is.  It hits you like a ton of bricks, Oh My God, this isn't good, you start making some calls, you try to reach key people.  What happened to just going home and taking it easy, after all this is the start of the weekend.  For so many of us this is the scene that took place as we were informed that our loved one had either been in an accident or had died.  Nothing is the same anymore, the hours begin to melt into each other, days are fused into one, nothing is normal.  Our regular routine is tossed out the nearest window, everything is so new, it is as if you stepped off the plane into a foreign country.  

So now the weeks, months maybe even years have gone by and you have slowly begun to learn to live with a new 'normal,' a life without the person who died.  At first you may expect them to walk through the door, call you on the phone, you may even call their cell phone, I did several times.  I still have my daughter's cell phone number in my contacts list, as well as her e-mail address and her address has not been erased from my address book.  To be honest, I still have the phone message on my answering machine from that fateful morning almost 4 years ago.  

But as we begin to re-emerge into this new world, a world that lacks a certain spark, we find ourselves maybe laughing again, enjoying simple pleasures, maybe even starting a new hobby.  We start to live out our new normal, allowing ourselves to remember, to celebrate and to realize the gift we recieved by having our loved one in our lives.  We still miss them, we still wish they were here, but we learn to 'accept' that they had to go home, that they had completed their mission here on earth.  They may have accomplished so much in so little time, and we take pride in who they were and what they believed in.  We feel the love, we embrace the memory, we live for who we are and what they would wish for us.  We become stronger individuals, hopefully have more empathy for others and realize that every day is a very precious gift.  We need to open this gift every day and share it with not only those we love, but everyone we come in contact with.  We all help each other in many ways, it is the simple things that speak volumes and the kind stranger who sometimes helps us to see more clearly.  So step out, reach out and embrace the newness of your world and try to see it from every angle.

Blessings! and until we meet again.