Twists and Turns

Photo by Rose Mary Saraiva

The road ahead may at time seem so clear.  However, as we travel along our chosen paths, we start to realize what seemed so certain, so straightforward is anything but.  We find obstacles, turns, detours, dips and rises, so much we weren't expecting.  Life is such a road.  

Looking back over the years, my life has taken so many turns, some pleasantly surprising, others leaving me longing to go back and choose an alternate route.  I'm reminded of my late teen years, at the age of 19, I was engaged, had finished school, was working and knew exactly which direction I was headed.  The world lay before me waiting to be conquered and explored.  

Today, as I have crested another mountain in my life, and I am slowly beginning to coast down the other side, the view though splendid, is not always clear.  As I look out at the scenery that is my life, I find myself wondering where this path will lead me, what lies ahead for me.  There is a certain amount of apprehension and fear, as I take another step into my life, into my future.  

It is often said that adversity shows one's true colors, draws upon strengths we did not know or realize we possessed, and opens our lives to unbelievable possibilities, if we are willing.  Through my grief, I am learning that I have a capacity to do so much more, help others, and to relish the loves in my life.  I have chosen, in reinventing myself, to learn all I can about grieving, the grieving process, and how it effects me as a person.  In my exploration, I have come to realize that each new day offers endless possibilities, and that I have the ability to make a difference if I so choose.  

This does not mean that I am personally not still hurting, it means I am allowing my self to grow, growing pains and all.  Grief is now a part of who I am, but its company is not so unwelcomed, I have learned so much from grief.  The poet Robert Browning says it best,  

I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chattered all the way.
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.
I walked a mile with Sorrow
And ne'er a word said she;
But oh, the things
I learned from her
When Sorrow
walked with me!

Are you willing to take that walk with 'sorrow,' are you willing to let it help you become someone new?  We all have choices in life, we all stand at the start of each new road, and we all are given the freedom to decide which path we'll take.  I may not always choose the right path, but I will always choose to learn from it.  Rachel's death was not of my choosing, had I a say in it, the outcome would have been totally different.  But alas, death like life is inevitable, and I believe the reward after death is so much greater.  So I take each day as it comes, knowing that Rachel continues to teach me so much and is my constant companion; and that the love of a mother and daughter is all the fuel I need for the journey.  

Blessings! and until we meet again.